1) A bottle of wine is never enough

2) Isms are cancer

3) I am an island

4) Don’t to that

5) Or the other

6) If you run barefoot in the rain with a blonde idiot you’re likely going to have to justify the slaughter that you have done to the precious few hours God granted upon the good green earth. And Jehovah will grow stern.

7) Books are more sensible than conversations

8) Be gone

9) This glass is almost empty

10) The shift starts soon and the second wind’s kicked right on in

11) You’re absolutely shagged

12) The dog WILL shit the rug again

13) The stupid reproduce far more effeciently.

14) Nobody reads

15) The cheesecake is gone

16) Mother is dissapointed

17) Father died

18) No one wants your Johnson

19) Normally the fact that no one wants your Johnson would mean that you had incredible time and energy to create magnificent masterpieces. But you’ll just wank to e-bewbs and watch another Bill Hicks video as you have one less breath to give. God will not favor you on the day of reckoning.

20) You were born to love magic. But let’s face it you prefer instant macaroni.

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