Hello.
Welcome to my blog. I am here to write on a variety of topics. The title of the site 'Fractal Journal' reflects the way I see the world and wish to explore it. I believe that everything is interconnected and the best way to understand it is through studying perspective.
I suppose some may find it pompous but I view what I do as,
'Perspective Journalism.'
There will be recurring themes throughout. For instance there may be long spells in which I will write about a single topic from many angles. One such topic will be water, the natural resource about which I am currently writing a book.
If you find that you enjoy what I do, please subscribe.
Hey, I bought into the myth myself…. for a long time. The idea that sleep is for the weak, that I was somehow special, needing less sleep than your average schmuck. This was part of my modus operandi for a good decade.
I eventually let go of this notion when I realized that I couldn’t focus on anything substantive for longer than a few hours and some days a few minutes.
My transformation into a person who demands that love, family, money, bosses, friends, and even Jesus Christ himself bugger off for at least eight hours a day came with a few interesting realizations.
Like the only sober guy in a group of giggling stoners – I began to see, with laser-like clarity that my fellow dudes and dudettes weren’t being profound, they were being idiots.
It’s an epiphany that has allowed me to be paradoxically sympathetic and impatient.
A few months ago I was at a job interview and couldn’t help but let my eyes glaze over when the interviewer described their drive (“I love the grind!”) in glowing detail. I don’t mind boasting. I think when done properly it can be a valid assertion of one’s accomplishments in a world that loves to pick apart your every weakness. But I can no longer stomach heaping praise on maladaptive behavior.
Part of this man’s pride seemed to come from his capacity for privation. He explained in exquisite detail how on many nights for a good long while he was only getting two hours of sleep. Well..no wonder he was balding before thirty. Sure genetics may play a role…but, supposing this tale of robbing the Sandman blind were true…I wouldn’t doubt it was a contributing factor.
Generally, things that are high quality require a lot of effort. I think that’s how the myth really digs its way into the psyche. Going without sleep is difficult, it gives you more hours in a day that never seems to have enough, ergo going without sleep is a feat of self-sacrifice on par with the very Cross.
Sleep is for the lazy and the weak. The strong drink an espresso and soldier on. Towards what exactly…I don’t know. But I’ll wager that it looks a lot like early mortality and an increasingly burdened medical system.
The United States has a serious issue with chronic illness. Chronic illness is expensive. It is expensive in every possible way. It damages the life of the afflicted and the lives of those around them and costs a hell of a lot of money. The times, the cheers, and the laughs that could be spent living well and healthy are instead sopped up by hospital visits, little blood sugar kits, and lots of feverish accounting.
This trend has been attributed to a number of factors like diet, work, and exercise habits. All of which are valid. Sleep has also been implicated though I fear that its not been implicated strongly enough. Because culturally the myth of the Insomniac Ubermensch still reigns. Hence, my interviewers glowing opinion of the practice. It’s what achievers do!
I’m a tad skeptical when it comes to suburban achievements. 40, 50, 60 k a year, some degree in something spiffy, etc all seem like tawdry compensation for health. I really doubt that had these talented and dedicated individuals, spent their time truly critically assessing what it was that allowed for real excellence, that they would have hopped onto a giddy predetermined little maze.
With the resources and technology, we have at our disposal today we could do far better than more of the same.
It never ceases to amaze me how awkward social interactions are. How weird and spacey people are. At first, I thought that I was just seeing things. But as I adopted healthier habits and gained more confidence in my powers of observation I really only found my impressions confirmed.
This is, of course, likely due to a number of factors. But peoples inability to critically assess concepts, to remember things, and to hold a sustained polysyllabic conversation definitely has something to do with everybody being constantly shagged out.
As I got more and more refreshing shuteye, like the former drunk who notices the slur in his AA buddies speech, I noticed the lapses in attention, the moodiness, and the infuriatingly obvious missed cues of the sleep deprived.
A good portion of the dangerous myth of the Insomniac Superman has to do with an ignorance of biology. It’s really funny because there is so much in our culture that people now use to cast off responsibility and cultivation. O you’re a bit blue: HERE’S A Pill! They have no trouble attributing the blues to biology but they don’t attribute their ability to perform to the most natural and biological of things: sleep.
Well, the NIH, Harvard, and a good number of researchers and scientists have done great work in isolating the exact role of sleep. Everything from weight to memory, to the susceptibility to accidents and cancer, is affected by sleep.
As I have already said sure there are many factors that contribute to something like cancer. I’ve heard people wonder aloud as to why we see so much ailment, why we have such a high rate of chronic illnesses. Despite the fact that plastics and pollutants and longer lifespans are a factor we must never leave out behavior.
Not sleeping is bad behavior. If you don’t believe me here are some links to people with bigger diploma shaped Phalluses than I:
Recent conversations have me realizing the need to try to begin to hammer out a topic that’s been on my mind for a while: the difference between advocacy and reporting.
Understanding the merits, methods, and problems of both disciplines is especially necessary in the information-saturated society of today.
I also talk about the merits of Linux and give some reasons for and against using it from a content creators perspective.
LOL. That thumbnail tho. I couldn’t resist…wut will they say bout us ma! We must attain Linux Purity!
“O Christ, looks like you gassed Deacon Mitchum’s kid.” Pierce chuckled.
“What in the hell are you doin’ out here Jesse?” Officer Fabre inquired.
“Not now,” I said. “He needs to get warm and quick.”
I escorted the stricken captive up the stairs.
“I ain’t gonna bathe you, the water is probably gonna irritate your skin at first, but the steam will do good for your mucous membranes. We made sure to have hot fucking water. So you’re in luck. I think you can find your way back down to the living room and back down the stairs. We know who you are now and I could get you in a hell of a lot of trouble so there’s no point in braving the cold and runnin off. Got it, kid?”
The ruddy-faced giant just sort of nodded in a defeated way and went into the bathroom to nurse his wounds.
“So I guess those weren’t your bootmarks I found round the greenhouse,” I said to Fabre.
“O no, you won’t find trace of Phillipe Fabre.”
“You don’t track a coonass, a coonass tracks you.” Doc Pierce enjoined.
“Well, whatever. In either…in both cases, I ain’t too pleased. What’s that kid doin tresspassin…what are you doin’ tresspassin without a warrant?”
“Well, this is my town.”
“This is outside of your jurisdiction…”
“Nah.”
I shook my head.
“You understand that from even a basic legal standpoint you are in the wrong. And since this is a military operation you could be in a hell of a lot of trouble.”
“I still don’t know what the hell this is all about. All these exotic plants, ya’ll are real young too, there’s no way that one is a colonel…” Fabre said pointing to Schmidt.
I laughed. “Nepotism.”
“Ain’t that just the way it always is…” Pierce affected a southern drawl.
“Also, we’re a bit older than we look. That’s part of the schtick. I’m twenty-eight, Schmidt is thirty, Sam is twenty-six, and the two boffins are also about to hit thirty rock.”
“Ok…so what’s all this…”
“Well…frankly I don’t have to tell you anything, I could hand you over, and you’d have an assfull of fines and NDA’s. But that means more work for me….paperwork…so….”
I weighed my options again momentarily.
“So..”
“So it’s easier just to tell you that we’re here conducting research on behalf of Uncle Sam. I’m basically security and liaison, Schmidt is team leader, Sam is a toxicologist for DARPA, Chuck is a UC Davis botanist, and Graham is here just cause we like him and we share your approach to flaunting regulations.”
“That still doesn’t tell me what’s goin’ on…” Fabre said with a befuddled look.
“Isn’t it obvious?” I asked.
“You’re doing chemical research…” Doc Pierce offered.
“Close. The full explanation is that we’re studying the effects of various psychedelics and subliminally induced states. Along with a tad of work on understanding and neutralizing viral and bacterial agents.”
“So you’re a Psyops and Bio Warfare outfit…”
“In a manner of speaking.”
There was some small span of silence as the two visitors digested the information.
“Hold on if you’ve got the kind of clearance you say you do, and this is that kind of operation…there’s no way that top brass doesn’t already know we’re here.”
I chuckled. “You think we’re being surveilled?”
“I guarantee it. That is if you’re being honest.”
“Ok…so sound weapons, leapfrog tactics, tear gas, and a greenhouse full of military grade psilocybin and nightshade on crack don’t convince you…”
“It’s just really out there…”
“Well, reality is really out there. We’re on a rock hurling itself round the sun and in the span of a few generations we’ve gone from riding four-legged animals to walking on the moon…”
“I guess it’s possible.”
“Damn right. But you know what’s impossible…?”
The two men humored my dramatic pause.
“Spying on Alan Baird.”
“I think you underestimate the snoopiness of your employers.” Pierce remarked.
“There are three things necessary to keep tabs as close as you’re suggesting. The first is manpower, the second is probable cause, and the third is technical facility.”
“And I’d assume that whatever Black Ops juju you’re involved with has all three in spades.”
“Your antique assumption of competence is charming Doc. But, the complexities and vulnerabilities of digital systems are highly exploitable. And politics has weaseled itself even further up the chain of command and past every conceivable barrier of clearance.”
“Politics…”
“Yep, case in point, take a look at Schmidtty over there…handsome ain’t he?”
“I don’t swing that way brother,” Fabre said.
“Don’t be a homophobe you know you’re a sucker for those sweet baby blues. So is Alison…”
“Alison?”
“Hey Ali! How was that trip to Malibu with….Lukey Pooohhh. DAWWWWWWW!” I said boisterously as I pretended to speak into a hidden microphone behind a tapestry. “His daddy sure has a nice little beach house doesn’t he..you spoiled fucks...”
“Eh, I dunno, I think you’re setting yourself up for trouble…”
“Oh…we would be if that was the extent of our capabilities.”
“Huh..”
“What she and the rest of the donut dippers are listening to is actually an artfully rendered loop, of us acting out, the sorts of things we’re supposed to be up to. She simply makes sure the charade is complete by hammering out any inconsistencies.”
“Hmm…”
“Don’t underestimate the corrupting influence of an attractive brunette in a sea of IT geeks.”
There was yet another pause as the two men took in the full weight of everything that was going on.
“Wait, there’s a precedent, you’re…you’re the successors of Ewen Cameron’s abortion…”
My scanner is working! I just installed Linux Mint and things are super peachy. Which is just as well because I wasn’t getting along with the mouse today. So here’s a quick hand-sketched PGP episode.
I never did understand suit hatred. So functional and elegant…but I guess not growing up in the Burbs means I’m just too soft to understand trv pain.
If you’re into this sort of thing and haven’t heard of these gentlemen well…
I kind of liked it even though I’m ok with people hating it. I know that my voice might give people major douchechills. Felt a weird impulse to share nontheless. Thanks for stopping by.
A montage might be cool but consistency is the Rule.
Consistency is the glue that holds life together. Cause like glue consistency is consistent. It is the stickiness that lets you keep all the little parts of your mind and soul intact.
What I mean is that following a discipline in any one area is absolutely vital. I think this is why people are drawn to things like Church or meditation. But your view of consistent discipline shouldn’t be limited to stuff like church, work, and meditation.
Everybody today knows how to read and write, how to find out new things, and how to tinker. We really don’t celebrate this enough. So how do we begin celebrating? Do we throw a big party?
Nah. We celebrate by taking these realizations and living them out.
I noticed the other day a thing that made me happy. It was a very small thing but produced a sort of glowing comfortable energy that has carried me smoothly through work this morning.
I noticed that I didn’t have to triple check that I had reset the alarm. A thing I have often had to do because my mind has been a bit of stew from time to time. I was very confident in the recent memory of having seen my phone display: the alarm is set for eight hours and thirty-five minutes from now.
If you’re unimpressed by this minor accomplishment I wouldn’t blame you. But I don’t think that things have to be impressive, to be wonderful and worthwhile. If you’re somebody that juggles a lot of ideas, experiments, and projects then you know how easy it is to get lost in a vast ocean of thought. Even the most even-tempered and unimaginative (I’m not using that as an insult. It takes all kinds.) of folks will experience confidence problems and little slips of the mind.
The reason that finally being able to set an alarm without spastically checking that I’d done it properly was so thrilling, wasn’t the action itself you see. It was the realization of the impact of a virtuous cycle of actions. A virtuous cycle known as consistency. Having isolated the source of my new found confidence to be consistency I felt doubly overjoyed.
Since high school and perhaps even earlier, I’d had the thought that a proper sort of person gets a bit of reading done nightly. A chapter, or a section, at the very least, was, in my opinion, a daily requirement no matter your vocation or schedule. As I grew older and the internet shot wildly away from the simple thing it had been in the early aughts I slowly forgot about my firm resolution.
Fortunately, it had only faded and not disappeared. The impulse was slowly burning ember-like in the recesses of my subconscious. I wouldn’t say that I ever became intellectually lazy but I certainly felt a bit of mental sluggishness that I didn’t think native to my character. This led me to take on more reading and other little learning ventures.
My suspicions were quickly confirmed. Deep attentive reading really helped me to form more coherent concepts, more quickly, and to enjoy life more. I realize that this is anecdotal but I’m almost certain that there are some studies out there to back up the benefits of reading. Since I am being anecdotal I will also say that my dreams became richer and more varied.
I really think that the reason that this works is it gives you more nodes for new information to connect with. Novels, essays, anything really so long as you’re actively reading exposes you to novel frameworks of thinking, to new facts, and perhaps even sensations. I’ve seen a study somewhere that pointed to a link between vocabulary and intelligence. I think the node theory fits in well with that observation. The more ways that you can express or comprehend a thought (vocabulary) the more nodes for building new and nuanced understandings you will have. Since reading is arguably the best way to improve your vocabulary I think you can see what I’m getting at.
About the same time last year (February/March 2017) I decided to reread Michael Crichton’s Sphere and take notes and outline every section nightly. This would force me to not only read but to read in a focused manner and to reproduce the ideas and scenarios that I had encountered. As I did this I noticed that my comebacks were snappier, my ideation richer, and my social interactions were smoother.
It didn’t take long for me to get in front of my makeshift standing desk and type out the first few paragraphs of the Sketch of Sam Monroe. Everything came very quickly, intuitively, and naturally. It wasn’t something spectacular but I now had clay to work with.
This was all of course set against another form of consistency. That of going to the gym and eating more protein (within reason). I believe that my creative spark and mental clarity would still have been vastly improved by reading alone. However, I think that proper sleep, diet, and exercise were indispensable to giving my ideas and energies the requisite robustness.
From that point to the present I’ve experienced an uphill sort of march with steady gains in stability of function. Due to the fact that I focused on reading and engaging in other activities with a consistent focus.
Montage vs. Entsangung
Many of our ideas are shaped by films. And that’s absolutely fine because films can be very wonderful things indeed. However, they are primarily meme machines. One meme that they seem to have produced at least as far as my own worldview once functioned was the overstatement of the ‘montage.’ Or really a particular type of montage where the hero (say Rocky Balboa) goes on a marathon session that takes them to the next level.
That’s fine cause one really can through a few weeks of stern discipline gain a marked increase in skill or strength. But this conception has a problem. Its problem is that it’s a sprint. It lacks consistency. And it makes you prone to thinking that you can always do ‘the whole thing later’ so you don’t bother doing ‘a bit of the thing’ every single day.
‘Doing a bit of the thing every single day’ is what this essay is about. It is also the key idea in my opinion behind Goethe’s Entsangung which you can find here. I think it may be what Linus Torvalds meant in his recent email regarding a kernel update: boring is good. That is that the day to day or the tortoise of incremental progress wins over the sprinting hare. This is because it is what allows the hare to sprint.
This very essay was written at a hare’s pace. It’s been perhaps half an hour now. I’ve just gotten off work a few hours ago and was planning to take care of some chores and meet with friends. This whole thing was really going to just be another ‘starter paragraph’ instead I’ve pretty much completed it and shall in the course of a few paragraphs. The purpose of this sort of awkward mid-essay update is to support the effectiveness of consistency.
I’ve been writing and doing focused reading nearly every day. This has made it much easier to write and do focused reading nearly every day. I’d lament the fact that I don’t write and read every day but I think that would begin to become one of those marathon things. We are creatures who digest and a proper balance that allows time for digestion is healthiest and produces the best results.
If reading and writing are not your cup of tea that’s perfectly alright. I have several brilliant friends of a more mathematical bent who would tell you the exact same thing (consistency wise) but regarding programming and mechanical projects.
Whatever it is that you aim to do well: Do it with consistency. Not only because consistency will help you do it well but because it will allow you to actually experience life more fully. When we are not consistent in at least one or two challenging arenas then our capacity for experience suffers. We do not see the rich interconnections of life as readily because our wits are dulled by inaction. Just like if you do not use your muscles they will atrophy and you will have less fun because moving has become a chore.
Consistency is what allowed me to have the idea for this essay when I celebrated the life-enhancing victory of beating my neurosis regarding alarms. That victory itself is a product of consistency.
So get consistent and get healthy, and if you are, stay that way.
I punched in the code on the keypad in the hall. The kitchen door swung open and we waited nearly a minute for the smoke to clear. There was still some irritant.
Our intruder was a big fellow but something in the shock of burgundy hair bespoke youth. He was doubled over the sink. His hands clattering blindly over unwashed dishes searching for the faucet handle.
“Looks like he’s found his way to the world’s shittiest eyewash station.” I chuckled between coughs.
We’d gone retro. Hell, this wasn’t even strictly legal and we should be wearing masks. It was my decision, I really hated trespassers, but I somewhat softened when that red, swollen face, turned round to try and look at me.
“It burns! It burns deep.” He said with a disturbing hoarseness.
“Jesus, Alan, Jesus, why did you pick CS, that kind… hell where did you get it?”
We’d run back out into the hall. It was horrid. I’d let zeal get the best of me.
“Hey, it was an option, I don’t ask questions, I wasn’t expecting to use this shit on civilians.”
“How do you know he’s a civ? And shit that doesn’t even make sense. Domestic enforcement only Alan.”
“He can’t be any more than twenty maybe twenty-one. His clothes reek of the hills. There’s a loophole somewhere…” I hoped. More awkward meetings with Thorton…
“Well, fuck, we don’t have masks, how are we gonna solve this shit.”
“There’s some saline in storage, we’ll grab that, but really the best thing is fresh air. It’s been about four minutes now with that door open…. Let’s take him outside. I doubt he’s gonna put up a fight.”
“He’s a big fucker.”
“Don’t be a pussy, Lucas. He’s a kid with a lungful of bees.”
The guy was retching now.
“Oh no no..buddy…this kitchen is messy enough…” I said putting a hand on his back and positioning my hips in case I had to slam the fucker.
He didn’t seem to put up any resistance. “Ok, kid, you’re gonna have to step out this door and get some fresh air.” I couldn’t help but cough myself. “My buddy here will wet a rag and then we’re gonna give you some saline and water for flushing.”
“My skin burns, everything burns….”
“Lucas go grab some of Graham’s clothes and that saline. Double time.”
He was gone.
The stranger just kept groaning and retching in the chill Kentucky air. The contrast was odd. Such serenity sat awkwardly against the loud and painful events of just moments ago.
I couldn’t help but wonder how in the hell he’d gone here. The nearest ‘road’ was fifty or so miles from here and the lake didn’t touch any property that was known to anyone save Uncle Sam, people tied up by NDA’s, and maybe a couple of venturesome hicks.
He was too young though.
I was impressed with Lucas efficiency. He was back with all the necessary things within the span of six minutes.
“Ok, I’m gonna need you to take off your top layers of clothing, and put on these.”
“I can’t see…I can’t breathe…”
“Strip.”
A jacket, a flannel, and a beanie were tossed aside.
“Now here’s a jug of water. Flush your eyes with it.” I said making sure his hand found the handle.
“Not all at once. Try to keep your eyes open…”
He was pouring it too quickly but I didn’t blame him.
“Slow down a bit…ok good…”
He got the idea and applied the water to his eyes in measured doses.
“Ok, now take some of this saline and spray it in your nose,” I said handing him a pressurized can of the stuff.
“Ok, now dry off with that towel. I’m going to take you to our shower, you need to run that water hot, it’s not going to be pleasant, but right now you’re soaked and it’s below freezing, so…get inside…double time…”
Our intruder was somewhat recovered.
As we stepped back into the kitchen I saw his red half shut eyes give something like a look of recognition.
“Doc Pierce….?” He inquired with hoarse incredulity.
Just a fun little motivational video with some basic filling cooking ideas that won’t break the bank. Aimed at helping those who need to invest a good part of a limited budget on business or artsy fartsy needs. Though pretty much anybody could benefit.
The Fractal Journal 