I bitch a lot about my day job so here are some of the perks. I’m too shagged out to make it terribly witty or poetic but I’m trying damn it!

1) My feet are strong. I got buff feet yall. They conform to surface and balance all dance like as I carry 5 to 140 pounds of christmas cheer for 4 to 7 hours.

2) I laid down to sleep absolutely exhausted and drifted off deeply into my secondhand mattress to dream of playing billiards with Boris Johnson and Bernie Sanders. It was the most vivd thing in the world. I was in a futuristic megacity with my best friends and two mad lads one of whom parachuted with a union jack flag into a mini cooper. Felt like I knew both for years. Because fuck yeah. Serious no lie. This dream pretty much happened sans the parachute.

3) Beer is 9000+ times better.

4) You have a tangible result almost immideatly ready to gauge against your last best speed and accuracy.

5) When I lay down I am very aware of my calves and all my musculture. Sure this has just as much to do with my gym habits but I feel this intense vigor pulsing through me despite the exhaustion. Physical labor especially at UPS is basically paid functional strength training.

6) When you’re done you’re done.

7) It’s always interesting to see how much my body can overcome when I get home and decide to workout and write on top of all my daily responsibilities.

8) You appreciate how much work goes into making modern life possible. And do not have any illusions about economics and where produtivity origniates.

9) Food is instantly absorbed and allocated to the most efficient use.

10) Leprechauns whisper secrets in the dawn. If you don’t like them – just add coffee. They’ll be replaced by paranoia that makes you plan your life out to the T for the next twenty years as you learn to pickle and buy farmland in western Tennessee. \