Russians in your latte? …more likely than you think!

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As far as I remember there was more drunken kabob roasting then training of Ursine Commandos.

Sometimes when folks get to know me and find out that I am originally from Russia they ask me geopolitical questions.

And of course I hear the news every sodding day.

News like this:

 

…Which only tangentially touches on Russia but nontheless makes me raise an eyebrow like so:

Russia has an interest in the Ukraine?

Working against our efforts?

Excuse me. But, I’m Russian American with a Ukranian great grandfather (i.e. the countries are geographicaly and ethnically closely related).

Your efforts in the region are about as natural and warranted as the Russians building up a strong military presence in Mexico while funding La Raza (See Azov Battalion). Do you know anything about the region?

What is it with Americans and their psychotic fear of a sparsely populated but self sufficient country that doesn’t want to become a NATO vasal state? I get being even handed but this level of nervous toedipping into the idea that maybe the demonized side aren’t really demons seems to be peculiarly strong regarding Russia.

Being an American citizen raised here since a young age I don’t have any particular patriotism for Russia. But I do have a perspective that makes me ask what the fuck is going 9000+ times a day.


 

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Preistcraft

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Drives away the cold. But not the stupid. 

I will never cease to be baffled by the pride that a good chunk of humanity seems to take in submitting to preistcraft. By preistcraft I do not necessarily mean religion.

In this broadened definition I include many ideologies and yes…among them I dare include that shibboleth called ‘science.’

Now, I am not a fan of comparing science to religion. This being due to the fact that science is not religion. But there is a sort of popular notion of science that may as well be religion.

It is both pro and prescriptive. It has a metaphysic. It has an ethic. There are within its dogmas not only cosmological claims but outright prophecies.

This is not the science of Spinoza or Feynman. That is to say it is not science. It is whimsy and hubris systematized. That is to say religion.

It has priests and teachers of the law.

I do not even so much here begrudge authoritarianism as I lament sloth. For its profound mental laziness that causes so many otherwise rational people to utter the demure prayer:

“I am not a scientist.”

Well…so bloody what?

Do you not have access to books? Or to get less medieval… to the sodding internet?

Ah but you require special training. These mysteries must of course be properly understood.

Yes, and did you not spend at least twelve years of your life in the school system?

Alright… I get it…that institution is deteriorated and generally rots the mind. Fine, all well and good. I too am cynical about the supposedly unalloyed good of mandatory public schooling.

However…even the most barefoot, twelve-toed, slug snacking Appalachian scion surely understands that the beauty of science is in its inherent democracy. Or if you prefer Libertarianism.

How is it that the experts to which you submit your reason came to their knowledge? Was it through sorcery? Did they approach a shewstone and therein decipher the mind of the most high God?

Or did they apply the fairly simple mechanisms of the scientific method to expand and expound upon the current body of knowledge?

You tell me that you cannot do the same?

Or are you in a roundabout way asserting that I cannot do so. That I must flagellate myself. That I should toss my critical faculties into the purifying flames of inquisition. That I should shroud my brain in the same Catholic darkness that gives you the jollies?

Suppose all those mea culpas ever bleeding from your rosary are valid. That we are both at sea before the vast incomprehensibility of the universe. That we require the confessional booth. That we must submit to a higher power.

Fine.

But I have a question…

WHICH?

To which higher power should I surrender? I suspect that your answer will depend entirely on your political persuasion.

If you do not know the things of which you are speaking of. If they are so arcane and require so many years of academic pilgrimage to fathom…then how…in all sodding Christendom do you know whether you agree.

Would it not be simpler to just vomit Druidic litanies?

Or at least more cough than humble bragging…

If you have ceased to be able to work with the facts and theories thus far achieved and must now entirely lean upon the insights of the clergy. How…HOW…pray tell is this science? The thing whose chief strength is mutability. A strength nourished by diligent scrutiny.

I guess there’s really not much use in railing against this madness. It seems to be more of a drive than a philosophical position.

I doubt I’ll ever understand it.

I guess I just don’t have that kinky submissive streak that plagues such a large chunk of humanity.


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Amthlynam (Short Story)

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Notre Dame, Big Ben, the Sistene chapel. These are known marvels. But what of those that crumbled into dust?

Centuries of soil at times wild with trees at times green with pasture shroud their memory. Alternating patchworks of increase and decline are the lily’s placed beside their tomb.

And the minds of men?

Do they dwell where their fathers tread?

Does the electricity in that pound of flesh called brain produce the sublime spires of Amthlynam?

Or does dull gain drive both the laborer and the sage to be unalloyed merchants?

How long I’ve waited! How many cold cramped hours have I spent beneath Paviljoensgracht!

Minutes from where Spinoza’s neat black leather shoes tapped their familiar rhythms. Past the musty smell of weathered books lived old Harris.

This medelander was neither Dutch nor old.

He spoke rarely and in accents that did not give up the English name that was apparent only to those who asked. For the first name, Peter, could well be Dutch.

While he possessed the rough hands of a sailor he had none of their mannerisms.

Neither old nor young but altogether indeterminate in every way he’d have drawn much speculation. That is if he appeared long enough to arouse speculation in those few lonely souls that haunted the alehouse.

Those that spoke to him were soon put off by his terse answers. It was not pleasant to talk to the medelander who never grew drunk, smiled only as a begrudged gesture of goodwill, and seemed to be perpetually interested by something in the middle distance.

If any of the bustling shopkeeps, fishers, or millers had cared they could easily have learned all of his habits. Habits by which they could have set their watches. So regular was he in his comings and goings that those who had a financial interest in them would prepare the port, paper, or herring that he required before he arrived.

One would think that the merchants of that great city would talk and wonder. But they did not. Neither fraternity nor curiosity could dare to break the fog around Peter Harris. A London mist so reticent and reserved that one stepped round it as reverently as if it were a grave.

He was so close. He could feel it. Could sense it wafting through the earthen walls. Three flights of stair within the flooded soil were Peter’s quarters. There was his business.

Here where the smell was symphony. Here he’d sit and listen. For in its myriad and unending notes there was a subtle voice. A voice that took a special ear. The perception of it nearly broke him.

Approaching the chemist’s table that had seen so many fits and starts he let out a chuckle. It was so strange a sound to hear. For its prolonged absence from his lips made it as clumsy and unnatural as all his strivings.

He picked up a scalpel and approached the eastern wall. There he scraped the fungi onto a silver tray. Placing this curiosity beside the brown wrapping that his writing-table bore he unfolded the latter. A sphere rolled across the oak and came to rest against a leatherbound copy of Blanquerna.

Having sterilized the scalpel in alcohol he sliced into the skin of the sphere. The rich clean aroma of citrus juxtaposed oddly with his subterranean surroundings. He consumed the grapefruit as circumspectly as he lived.

He took the silver tray and placed it beside an Ottoman. Here he reclined and took a few short contemplative puffs of hash. The first trick lay in silencing the critic. Then he could converse with the God that littered his tray.

He ate the soft pulpy flesh of this God.

And in moments the effects of communion were felt.

For before him was the heather field and the Sycamore tree.

“Shoo Ozzy.” Peter chided the now invisible cat that nuzzled at his ankles.

He heard the soft paws land softly in some other world.

“Bout time ya got here.” Said the small grim man sitting on the lowest branch.

A bit miffed at the lack of fanfare for his accomplishment Peter bit his lip and shrugged.

“Ooo the poor darling. Whaddya suppose… should I give ya medal for a bit of lemon n lime. Ain’t the way round here.”

Peter nodded.

“Right. That’s better then. So, what do you seek?”

“Memory.”

“Well we got plenty o that here. But first ye have to tell me the name o her chapel.”

Peter paused making sure to recall the proper pronunciation.

Am-flyn-am.”

With a smirk, the small grim man and the heather field gave way to a vast arcade brooding in the moonlight. In the midst of which stood a grace so sublime, whose suggestions were so perfect, that weaker men would have instantly gone mad.

Peter approached the gate of Amthlynam and found it open. He marveled at the spires, the stained glass, and the expressions of the gargoyles.

As the heavy oaken door squealed open Ozzy hissed.

“Do be quiet Ozzy!” Peter again chided.

To his great surprise, the beast responded. “Omnis homo est non recordabar.”

Peter shook his head and marched through baroque enchantments till he reached the book upon the pulpit.

On its leather surface were the tarnished silver letters that spelled out the common English word: Memory.

Peter read, and read, and read. He read until he was so full that he awoke screaming in tongues that hadn’t shook the air for aeons.

Ozzy had bitten his finger. Rousing him from his gluttony. But not soon enough.

If before he was obscure he now became infamous. He was the madman who the best sanitoriums the Hague had to offer could not cure. Weeping constantly and speaking with authority of the futures and histories of people he had never met.

His days as a triune pity, fortune teller, and sideshow came to an abrupt end on a cool September evening. No one had ever been able to locate Harris’ family so Doctor De Vries was ecstatic at the presence of a small grim old man who claimed to be Peter’s uncle.

Some now consider De Vries to be mad or worse a murderer. The aristocracy did not like a return to unpredictable destinies anymore than they liked infallibly dire predictions.

So very few believed the physician when he claimed that Peter died when the small grim man entered the room and spoke a simple English phrase.

“You didn’t think yad actually enjoy bein’ a knowitall didja?”

Upon whose utterance the very same uncle collapsed into a soft pulpy mushroom-like rubbish.


This tale is dedicated to H.P. Lovecraft.* A man whose diligent pursuit of preserving wonder and sensitivity in the face of callous empiricism is more important now than ever. A pursuit I attempt to ape with varied results.

And also to Ozzy Osbourne. Because he’s a mad lad. And the world would suck without Sabbath. 

Please donate because I don’t fancy dying from eating from too many tins. Not all aspects of one’s heroes lives are savory darlings.

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Odotheus (Poem)

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There are things we know

Things that are not shadowed

Memories seen before they’d grown

Such familiars as Notre Dame and the causeway where giants tred

Yet glad are they that have seen more

Them that have scorned nepenthe and her balm

Have brought the back into the fore

For there were many towers

Oh to gaze upon these stones, this mud, this litter

To wind back a billion hours

Set black lamps aglitter

Such light as would restore old Odotheus

Sublime in wisdom are her spires

Triumphant curling colonnades

Wreathed in heather and in briars

Sacred sycamores there stand

On ground again to be discovered

By sons whose sturdy hand

Though blind is never overpowered

For Athena is the daughter of their mother

Whose voice is sweet with wisdom

Guiding captains who dream of the sacred truth called other

That lies beyond the Kingdom


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But…I Want to Play (An Update of Sorts)

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The Kitchen was a state. 

Still dwelling in hotels whilst the house undergoes repairs. Speaking of house the thing needs to have the roof swept, the back and front yard raked, months of dishes done, the carpets cleaned, and the owner whipped. (I’m the owner.)

There have been too many of those small inconveniences like not having hot water to do dishes. These combined with my work schedule and familial duties have given my inner excuse machine hyper fuel. My creativity and assets have suffered as a result.

Being between places is peculiarly infuriating.

I think my several months of stagnation are proof of the importance of having good regimens in place before your infrastructure begins to give you grief.

TL;DR but mommy I don’t wanna go to school.

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On second thought I’ll probably just have a pint.

Shame me into action by giving me your hard-earned cash. The more alcohol I can afford the more effusive my fingers. Tipppitiy tappaty! Clikaty clakaty! This is not an encouragement of drinking. I am Russian and thus a professional. Please leave the drinking to me.

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Should You E-fast?

IRL fasting has many benefits. Check out P.D. Mangan’s amazing anti-aging site for more on this.

If that’s not enough.

Even Jesus loves fasting. There’s some juju out there that can’t be banished any other way.

Except maybe the internet.

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Pictured: The internet in its most malignant form: Teh kittez. An ancient evil of possibly Canaanite origin.

So should you go on internet fasts?

Folks like Bryan Lunduke would probably say yes. Folks like me would probably say…maybe.

Fact of the matter is that I’ve been trying and planning to go on a no electronics sequester, where I produce a bunch of somethign, with a lot of focus; for well…it’s embarassing…for nearly….if not exactly a decade.

Sweet Elijah! You might cry. Your discipline sucks.

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Lo! I have not gaze upon the spicy memes! Giveth me my wings, Lord!

At this rate the chariots of fire will never beam you up and reveal why Maynard is such an infuriating shtilib.

Absolutely. Yes. I’m a whimsical beast with very strong drives that are not easily tamed. Which is why I prefer letting them run free. Seems more humane. That is until they go over a cliff.

The nubmer one complaint with all things web related seems to be wasted time. The internet seems to be a distraction machine.

So, it is only natural that people throw up their hands and ask, “Hold on a minute! Hold on a minute! What if I wasn’t voluntarily pulled in a million directions at once! Wouldn’t that be…I don’t…sane?”

So all the goal setting and good intentions begin. Only to be shattered by the realziation that most of your work and social life depends on electronics. Even if you aren’t a blogger.

“Welcome to the machine.” – Roger Waters or some such hippy.

Yes. And now you’re booting up and logging on to answer e-mails or apply for jobs or write this or that and…boom now you’re on YouTube…and well….frankly…welcome to Hell and goodbye time.

Or so it would seem.

I’d suggest that there’s probably a happy medium, wherein you use your baser browsing urges to spice up the legitimate ones, and catalyze learning and productivity.

But at the same time perhaps some fasting would be good towards that end.

Not here to make proclamations just to ponder so…I dunno you tell me.

Or if you don’t want to chat with an overcaffeinated time slayer, then ponder your way to Vallhalla.


Speaking of Valhalla. Pillaging is no longer profitable and mead remains expensive. Please contribute to a thirsty bard.

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Zoom Doom

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Zoom Zoom!

It’s bad enough to deal with the melodramatically apocalyptic ambience of Gen Z (or Omega if you’re Greek), the painfully temporally constipated notion of millenial, but now the generation that has never heard the dulcet tones of dial up is gonna be dubbed Zoomers…a name that sounds like all the MDMA and uppers that were involved in their conception.

This is not the generation that will restore conservative values.

These are the same exact reactionary snots that you were and your parents were.

Children are not the future.

Death and taxes are the future.

Drink now. Drink often.


Buy me a Whiskey

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Quips Two – Men in Pantsuits

 

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Comrades!

Comrades!

  • CEO’s and commisars have more in common than you think.
  • Corporate culture kills the host.
  • Management builds nothing, manufactures nothing, and costs everything.
  • Optimization means making people work faster for less. See Outsourcing.
  • Sensitivity training exists because being polite is preferrable to paying your employees.
  • The NuMale ubermensch leveraging his way to success via endless seminars often craves an empathy pantsuit. But only because he’s not allowed to wear a dress.
  • As a commisar executive your core competency is building consensus on how best to disrupt the flow of funds from the productive class into your bank account.
  • The politburo Corporate exists for the sole customer-centric mission of reeducation marketing to leave the consumer with a lean and mean wallet.
  • At the gulag company you will build synergized ecosystems of equal parts cheap labor, propaganda marketing, and markups. This will be hailed as the pinnacle of capitalism despite getting most of your product from communist optimized countries.
  • You will be celebrated as the supreme soviet captain of industry that you are. Just remember to emote. You wouldn’t want to seem cheeky about the holodomor bonus you just got. As this will only make it harder to seize the means of production get bailed out in future.

I thought that by working blue collar I could escape all this…but alas new age incompetence has spread to something as unfuckable as putting a box on a truck.

Help me stay sauced and writing subversive poetry by donating.

Or if you prefer: leverage your money into my expense account to optimize output of literary junkfood.

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Quips

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Or Reasons why I drink.
  • The Current State of Psychology

Pathologize everything.

  • The Current State of Science

No longer is science a specific methodology for studying empirically verifiable data regarding a narrow set of physical and observable phenomenon.

No longer is science a constantly updated body of knowledge derived from the scientific method.

Science is an answer.

One that you can use to make airtight and unquestionable forecasts about the future.

If you disagree you are a heretic.

You hate science. I might not be a scientist. But I love science. And the scientists who agree with me.

The ones that disagree are paid by the patriarchy, Big Oil, and the Green Lobby and hence are not real scientists.

I am qualified to agree or disagree with scientists because of my humility. A humility demonstrated by my admission that “I am not a scientist.”

Nevermind that I don’t understand what I’m agreeing with and can’t explain it. I am humble you see.

Literate people who have gone through twevle plus years of schooling cannot fathom the various mystery schools of Science.

#I Fucking Love Science

  • The Current State of Entrepreneurship

Rejoice! You are no longer a shopkeep or a franchisee. No! You mighty one are an innovator. Your ability to get real worked up about minor accomplishments like printing out a business card or filing a 1099 have landed you a mediocore income selling novelty buttplugs to the emotional support baristas of redudant career women the world over.

What’s that skippy?! You’ve discovered e-marketing? Well, hot dog you friggin rascal! Nevermind that there are streamlined flowcharts developed over the course of more than decade. You’re a tech-savvy genius!

You my friend are on the primrose path to easy street! And you deserve it. I mean who else could marry the easily exploitable labor of third world sweatshops to Amazon and Ebay via a well developed digital pipeline!

Get em tiger!


Please donate. I need wine.

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