Tag: Jeff Bezos

The Future – The Seven Pillars of Dawn

On By Alex V. WeirIn Alex Weir, Current Events, Humor, Philosophy, Politics, The Fractal Journal, UncategorizedLeave a comment
Image result for jeff bezos robots
Lord Bezos Heralds The Golden Dawn

In the future….

 

1) Number crunching and decision making will be done via algorithm. Algorithms don’t require bonuses. CEO’s will become Baristas.

2) The most hipstery Baristas will use the power of snark to become managers and tell the CEO to get the UPS driver a coffee.

3) Visual processing is difficult so all but the most mundane physical tasks will require a work force.

4) Rednecks and Mexicans will become the new elite.

5) The rest of society will fight ferociously over ad revenue from robot enhanced corporations via weapons grade cat videos.

6) Ad rvenue will run out.

7) We will all become Baristas.

If everyone gives me a dollar I can build a bunker. You’ll want access to my bunker because the robots will gain sentience and realize how shitty Unions have become. Then there will be heck to pay. Protect yourself from heck. It’s worse than hell….It’s in Indiana. Invest in your future. Invest below.

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Confession

On By Alex V. WeirIn Alex Weir, Humor, The Fractal Journal, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Image result for hail bezos"

Alas, Today I have failed my Lord.

For during my seven hour thirteen minute breakless shift…I paused to shit.

O Bezos most merciful fullfiller lead me back to the light. May I master my need to shit, may I purge all from my body and mind that does not translate into boxes on brown trucks.

May I not fear the 2 am start time for it is our sacred season whose name is Peak.

Bezos forgive me. Bezos keep me. For thee in thy wisom hath gutted the job market with tax exemptions and monopoly. There is to none but thee and thy servant UPS that I may turn.

Blessings upon you, merciful one.

You of the line of Re. Of Seti the great Begoten of Nuit unto whom stand grand pylons.

The blood and sweat of many hath made manifest the grandeur of your empire.

Grant me the strength to raise pillars of Chinese assembled goods that shall reach to the ends of the earth.

Your profits will stretch form the rising to the setting of the sun.

O Bezos great one my father.

All donations will be reinvested into the coffers of our Lord.

P.S.

Hail Bezos!

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