The Cottage – Part Eighteen – (Short Story)

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Part One | Part Two |Part Three |  Part Four |Part Five |  Part Six |Part Seven |Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | Part Twelve | Part Thirteen | Part Fourteen | Part Fifteen | Part Sixteen | Part Seventeen

Jim did not see. His return to the cottage was not accompanied by a deepend reverence. Quite the opposite, his recklessness increased.

“This is all bullshit.” He said as he tossed his uncle’s letter into the fire.

Whenever he heard the chirping he’d run out like a wildman, Mossberg in hand, and fire wildly at the trees. Wooping profanities that would put any sailor to shame.

“I can always get more shells, cocksuckers!”

It did seem to work.

“Goblins my ass…hicks with whistles aren’t about to make a heel outta Jim Cleary.”

He actually considered burning the wood. His life had not been easy and, once kindled, his nihilistic rage was capable of profound wickedness. He wasn’t unfamiliar with a cellblock nor much afraid of returning to one.

But the pay was good. And despite Lizzy’s warnings it had not ceased.

He kept finding those strange heel-less tracks. But remained unphased. Figuring it was just another trick.

It was weeks since the ordeal that had found him on the shores of Luckadoo’s lake that denial began to grow impossible.

First, his temper finally began to subside, allowing for a touch of introspection. He felt bad for consigning crazy Hant’s ramblings to the flame. It was like sucker punching his spirit in the gut. The old nut meant well.

It did not help that Jim received a sudden fortune. A turn of luck that explained everything and could only mean one  thing.

On his return from the post office, bank statement in hand, he heard an inhuman wailing.

It made his heart sink to the very depths of his stomach.

Lizzy was at the stump doubled over and shreiking into the evening. Her long gray locks hung in ragged clumps completely obscuring her face.

A twig snapped as Jim approached to comfort her. She gazed up. And he turned to go.

All the fire was gone from her eyes. The spry twiggy motions had given way to shivers and sobs. He could not bear it and fled into the wood.

He sat by the cold stones a long time. Staring at the bit of paper that informed him that he was a sevenfold millionaire. It gave him a stomach ache. He actually felt naseaus.

He’d done nothing but surreptriously mock the old man his whole life. To reveive such a kindness after burning the last bit of spirit that Hant had passed on was flooring. Jim lay on the cold granite, too callous for weeping, too penitent for comfort.

The heavens that peaked through the swaying trees were agonizingly bright. With a cheerful beauty that mocked the mercenary hideousness of his soul.  Sagitarius with his bow was hypnotic.

He did not know how long he lay there staring till thirst took hold. He tried to rise but to his horror found himself unable to move at all.

It was then that he realized it was absolutely silent.

The buzz of the cicada had ceased. No more did he hear the song of the owl and whippoorwill.  Not even the strange chirping could be heard. Normally he would have been greatful for this fact. Especially given his current handicap. But, the damnable sound was replaced by something worse. It was a low and subtle sort of hum accompanied on occasion by light stealthy footsteps. As if a troop of children were playing hide and seek. Except the gait suggested by the footfalls was all wrong.

Jim could not move his head. But his eyes rolled freely. He gazed left at the sound of a snapping twig and beheld a silver head. A small bald thing was bobbing in his direction with several more in tow.

They stopped just beyond his line of sight and began to sway rhythmically. To his horror he found himself sinking into the stone. He tried to cry out but his dry constricted throat failed to produce so much as a chortle. Slowly, agonizingly, he felt himself becoming one with the granite.

Then quite suddenly a booming voice burst through the nightmare. “Fool!”

It was Hant’s voice. But the figure he glimpsed was not Hant. It was not the clean cut rustic but a wild bearded silver haired apparation.

The wicked dwarves scattered before the cold grey light of the wizard.

“I hope ye choke on drink. All that I gave ye..may you drink up…to the dregs…you fool.”

Jim felt a vicious kick in his rib.

But the pain was soon replaced by pleasure as he realized he could move again. He raced homeward not heeding the briars. Collapsing on the soft leather of the couch Jim fell into the deepest sleep of his life.


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The Cottage – Part Sixteen – (Short Story)

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Part One | Part Two |Part Three |  Part Four |Part Five |  Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten | Part Eleven | Part Twelve | Part Thirteen | Part Fourteen | Part Fifteen

“How the hell did you get this boat here?” Jim wondered out loud as the lake’s utter seclusion fully registered.

“I didn’t.”

“Ok…so your family did?”

“No.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I had it built here.”

“Oh!” Jim said smacking his head. Despite being a simple enough thing to guess the economic disparity between him and the giant was as great as the ratio of their height. Making it hard to see eye to eye on several levels at once.

Jonas Luckadoo was taller than Dutch. Jim guessed he must be pretty close to seven feet.

“Did you ever consider playing basketball?”

“Now that wouldn’t be very fair would it?”

“Guess not,” Jim said as he recalled that even Lizzy was atypically tall. She stood just below Jim’s nose. This was a feature he rarely encountered in women.

Elsa, the young woman who was piloting the boat as Jim and his host shared a pipe was the first person of average height he’d encountered. She had chestnut brown hair and the greenest eyes he’d ever seen. He figured she was a lot closer in age to him than her apparent lover.

But he had no time for romance. Much less rivalry. He was curious. Never had he seen a man of these dimensions. Let alone one from the leisure classes.

“Say, Mr. Luckadoo, why is everybody round here so god-damned tall?”

His host shrugged and grinned wryly, “Must be the mountain air.”

“Nah.” Jim said letting his intuition guide him. “There’s something real weird going on out here.”

“Says the man washing up barefoot on private property.”

“Ach, komm off it Jonas, tell heem…it is such a interesting story.” Elsa interjected.

“Quiet whore.”

“HEY!” Jim exploded rising to his feet.

Elsa laughed.

“I see you have the famous Celtic temper.” Jonas said coolly as he ruffled Jim’s hair.

“Do not mind heem. It is joke between us.”

“Some joke.” Jim muttered as he attempted to hold his chin aloft through the embarrassment.

Luckadoo chuckled. “I’m afraid I have a threefold advantage. Don’t let it sting your pride. I did not earn it. Neither this wealth, nor this body, nor the strength within it are to my credit. It is all utterly hereditary.”

“Ja, Jonas tell heem. He knows much now. Already seen dem.”

“Them?”

Jonas shook his head.

“That is for another time. I suppose I must apologize for baring a familiarity that you weren’t prepared for. Elsa is a whore…or rather was.”

“So, it’s not a joke.”

“It is a fact. Facts can be funny.”

“I don’t find it funny at all.”

“My mother was a whore.” Jonas stated matter of factly. “I collected Elsa from the same Bavarian brothel in which I was conceived. She is my third cousin.”

“Luckadoo don’t sound like a kraut name to me.”

“My father was Scottish. Though I’m not entirely certain as to the actual origin of the name.”

“So, you’re a literal bastard as well as a metaphorical?” Jim ventured a liberty.

“No. My parents were lawfully married before my birth.”

“Isn’t that taboo with ya rich folk?”

“The marriage was arranged.” Jonas answered as they came to rest at a dock.

“An arranged marriage to a whore?”

“Yes, my family has always been eccentric. Now, you asked about height. The early 20th century had a fascination with eugenics. It especially effected aristocrats who were already accustomed to obsessing over lineage…I don’t suppose you’ve ever heard of the Potsdam giants?”

Jim shook his head.

“When King Frederick the first was prince of Prussia he formed a peculiar unit. A taller man could more easily operate a muzzleloader. Being German old Freddy took everything to the extreme and founded a regiment of giants. It included tall men from many countries. Some like my maternal ancestor James Kirkland came from Ireland.”

“So, you’re not a kraut at all.”

“My father is Hessian.” Elsa said with wounded pride.

Kirkland’s heir chuckled. “Yes, Hessian. Notice how you didn’t say German. It is small wonder that they succumbed to Rome. The fireworks of the Reich were the consequence of overcrowding. The Teutonic will has a profound dispassion for unity. A nation of warring princes as Lord Russell put it.”

Elsa stuck out here tongue.

“That’s how we the posterity of the forcefully conscripted came to be. Through three violent centuries much of honor fell by the wayside in favor of survival. The sons and daughters of Kirkland were scattered throughout the continent. That is until my father’s clan began collecting them.”

“I see.” Jim said as his head spun from the sheer madness of it all.

“That, my boy, is why despite our common national origin I could toss you like a hammer at the games.”

“And you plan to do that nasty upper crust thing and bang your cousin? Keep them freak genes goin?”

Elsa laughed.

“I doubt my wife would be very happy about that.” Jonas grinned.

Jim’s heart thrilled at the news. “O.”

“Yes and speaking of Charlotte…let’s get of this damned boat. I do believe I smell duck à l’orange.”


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The Cottage – Part Eleven – (Short Story)

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Part One | Part Two |Part Three |  Part Four |Part Five |  Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten

There was a sound as if something were in flight. Intermittent static, strange gurgling, and rasping titters sent quick sharp almost painful shivers up his spine. Jim felt nauseous.

Then like waking from a bad dream he heard the first bars of “Something.”

What in the actual… holy fuck was that?” He muttered.

The cheery mellow romance of the sixties soothed too abruptly. Cosmic horror was cleanly cut from his psyche. And it left him reeling.

He released the needle and picked up the record mid-spin. It appeared normal.

He made it play again.

Within seconds he heard, “Something in the way she moves…”

“That’s it…I’m losing my fuckin’ mind.” He thought.

But why would he imagine something like that? He wasn’t given to nightmares. Even here in this weird lonely place those dreams that he could recall were pleasant.

“Keep it together Jim.” He mumbled attempting to regain his nerve.

“Ye best be keepin’ the ways.”

He wheeled round so fast he almost fell.

There in the center of the parlor was that blasted scarecrow of a woman.

“How…”

That same perfectly intact smile broke out of her wrinkled face like sunshine through a tattered curtain. She lifted a hand with an extended finger on which hung a ring of keys.

“Didn’t think that the closest thing yer kind had to a wife has wifely privilege?” The grandame chuckled.

“That’s not right.”

“Neither is being a Philistine in Rome.”

“Huh?”

“Haven’t ye heard da old sayin?”

“Heard loads but that don’t excuse this. I’m guessin’ ya never had sons cause burstin’ in like this…well ya might see thigns ya rather didn’t.”

“I don’t care bout yer piggishness. That’s afore ye and God what I care is that you’re in Rome and ye do not do as the Romans.”

“Well, good. Cause I heard that Rome fell.”

“Smart…very smart..fool…I see that you’re very much after the new way.”

“Huh?”

“Ye think this is all just some kinda game. Believe that everythins’ plain and tidy. That this great thing with it’s stars and the way that Cronin blood plays through yer veins it’s all just so…just cause…it’s gotta be…cause it is…right?”

It took Jim a minute to process all that.

“Yea…makes about as much sense as anythin can.”

She smiled again.

Jim leapt back.

What stood before him was not Lizzy Jennings but a beautiful youth with dirty blonde braids and radiant skin.

At least that’s what he thought he saw. Because just as quick as the satanic vesper had melded into psychedelic rock the old crone was again before him.

Though now he noticed something in her eyes. Something keen and vital in the icy blue. Playful or perhaps tricky that twinkle was unsettling. He’d seen it before in some Union guys. They were young but possessed by something…older…something wiser and that combination of vigor and insight was formidable. It was off putting.

“Why da ya jump bout like a frightened bunny? If the world is just so?”

Jim sighed.

“Look could you please promise me that ye won’t just bust on in here without knockin?”

“So long as ye can promise to keep the ways.”

“Fine!”

“You’re lyin’.”

Jim sighed again and began to protest.

But Lizzy held up a finger. “It don’t matter. Ye can’t convince me ‘gainst what I know. The Lord can see into the heart. And from time to time he even let’s sinner see the heart’s o others. This is why we know ye are a fool. Why we have halved your pay till ye comply.”

Jim pondered for a bit.

“No! I won’t be able to make rent…Barragan will fuckin’ skin me. It don’t matter if I’m on the moon. He’ll fuckin’ skin me.”

Lizzy laughed. “Now if only ye were as afraid of them that could destroy the soul same as them that can destroy the body.”

“I don’t take kindly to folk trying to scare me.” Jim said coldly.

Lizzy shook her head and muttered, “Folk,” with a wry disdain.

Jim stamped his foot.

Lizzy sighed.

“I’m afraid there’s nothin’ I can do about it. Ye may live…I suppose…but even if ya do…you might not find livin’ as pleasant.”

“Is that a threat?”

“If I wanted to harm ye,”  she said dangling the keys again. “I coulda done it a dozen times over.”

Jim stared.

“Frankly, I don’t much care about ye. Too brash too removed from worship…”

“There’s that religion shit again.” Jim shook his head.

“Nah…ain’t no religion…this is older magic than Abraham…than order…than yer new England tidiness…that factory faith o yers…no….”

“That sounds real religious…”

“No I don’t care for ye…but I do care for keepin things untangled…and as that bastird faith would have it…only a fool can untie the knot.”

She turned and headed for the door.

Pausing at the threshold she said. “I only wanted to save ye some trouble. But ye have the heart of Absalom. The heart of a fool.”

Jim was at a loss as the door shut calmly behind her.

The muffled sound of hooves on grassland reached his ears and he headed for the liquor.


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