Random Memory # 666

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ne svesti DURAK

 

im from russia originally and my babushka told me not to whistle in doors cause it summons satan. i whistled a lot when i went through my goth phase as a teen in the early aughts.

You just don’t know Satan like I do, baba.

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The Distance Remained

What even is poetry?

I suppose it’s for when life is too weedy and wonderful for prose.

We waited a long time there in the brambles, amidst the tobacco smoke, we talked for hours. What were we on about? It didn’t matter. Together was wonderful.

She motioned towards the middle distance. A gesture altogether fitting for our joyous apocalypse.

Read me the story in the stars. That is what her eyes whispered.

I gathered myself. Trying very hard to remember all the echoes.

The distance remained.

Bewildered I sipped some of the coffee chilling steadily with the onset of evening.

I let the cicadas drown the question.

Beyond a billion years of bones nourished the trees that swayed amidst the rose tinged sky.

The South smelled of mildewed lumber and magnolia.

Her…


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Little Care (Poem)

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Trading tales

Out there

Where all else fails

Little care

She rests her head

On a shoulder

That’s long dead

Yeah she’s growing older

But still in circles

She wheels

The wreck through cycles

Bursts seals dance jigs and reels

Golden red

Sweet neck

Empty head

All hands on deck

To little care

Seaworthy

She’ll just stare

Too wordy

But just you wait

We’ll get there

Better then, yea better late

Silk hair

Paintbrush

Sketch a future

In tears and smiles

My suture

My little care whiles

My time away

Till

Skeletal

I’ve nothing to say

Be a scaffold

For burst roses

A tale that’s told

Forever

Of little care

That’ll never never

She’ll l just stare

Towards the horizon

My all my why

That the future lies on

Yea we’ll never die


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Cheap Perfume (Poem)

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Barely breathin

Through the incense

That’s hidin

The cigarettes

And the mysteries

of the Orient

Are just histories

Wrapped and bent

Dropping into ashtrays

Just behind the whiskey glass

Rouding days

Up with tallies made of grass

You’re dirt

My dirty cheap perfume

And you hurt

With your strange silver smile in the gloom

Can’t dispel

That memory

The smell

Is too deep in my skin and my hair

Now there’s nothing left to do

But sit in the rain

With a head full of you

This much is plain

Drink in the dew

Till the morning unfolds

Like the pictures you drew

Still that perfume holds

Till I drown just to wash off

Must become a river

With a life like a moth

Dusty waters deliver


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Rapt (Poem)

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There upon the minute hangs a phrase

Summit of salvation

Dares a finger raise

Cardinal point

Full of form beyond dimension

Honey fountain angel lips annoint

Beside the aeon

In musty hall

Shining ray dispels the Eidolon

No more in thrall

Dancing now

Through electric gardens

Electing how

These rings of wardens

Would uncoil

To blossom through

The dusty soil

True as true

Rapt in the silence

Of eternal song

Yes the dead can dance

As far as long

Here amongst tobacco leaves and gin

Where porches bake

And ages grin

Her hand I take

To celebrate the passage

Of an aeon

As magnolia spills upon the page

The everpresent dawn


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Checkered Shorts

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So I just heard some coldplay coming form the TV…

So here’s another vaguely amusing list as I drink myself to sleep….

…I dunno if these are still a thing but back in highschool (Mid oughts) I couldn’t help but notice certain patterns.

Checkered Shorts bro…

1) Is called Cody no exceptions

2) Listens to Coldplay

3) You’re eventually going ot have to kick his ass

4) Smug

5) Average Student, Average Conversationalist, Just all Around Average

6) Probably Skateboards Sometimes

7) Will Bum Cigarettes but doesn’t actually smoke

8) Faggy 90’s boyband hair

9) Possibly gay

10) Insists that you’re gay

11) Let’s face it you’re both gay

12) Too gay to actually be gay

13) Uses Axe bodyspray as a form of chemcial warfare

14) Is offended by pretty much everything

15)  Yuppie parents that have those stupid tennis ball garage door strings

16) Obsessed with basketball but can’t actually play all that well

17) Mom is kinda hot

18) I was nineteen when the market crashed. I suspect Cody’s parents were at fault. That house did always seem a touch too nice.

19) What the hell is a mission trip?

20) Do these people survive on cereal?

21) And they said the Soviet Union was beuracratic nightmare. How many post its can you put on a fridge? Christ almighty. The micromanagement.

22) Subrubia is hell.


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Fatalism (Poem)

mcllelands


A coupla more songs

And its time to die

Same old fatalism

Somethin like two wrongs

Don’t make a try

Raindrop prism

Filters

Same old fatalism

Call it pessimism

Heavy hitters

Put on those tracks

Follow the rails

Again and

A coupla more songs

Draw some links in sand

Mostly longs

In whispers

Made of suggestions

Compulsive vespers

Miss and directions

Researching and

A coupla more songs

And its time to die

And and and same old fatalism

Under a rosy sky

Floating cherry smoke

Epileptic relativism

Gin and coke

And a coupla more songs

and its time to die

Filters parliament

With a heavy sigh

Empty boxes that cement

Every tender why

Same old fatalism

Random assembly

To chase away

Determinism

Determined to stay

Who said what to where and when

Is that destiny? Was that destiny?

I don’t Amen.

It’s hard when you speak in periods you know

Yea it goes something like

A couple more songs that grow

Into a cheap old mic

Maybe one day will glow

Like that same old fatalism

Like a raindrop prism

That arcs double wide

Trailer park philosophies

Theyr’e on our side

That same old fatalism paints symphonies

Come on baby do ya wanna ride?


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O Francis – (Poem)


The cherries that you bought at the super market

Were almost as sweet as the fleet way that you share a cigarette

In smoky whispers that decay regret

O and never will I never will I cry

From this moment on

There is only a glad song

Deep within my breast

I’ll stay high at last without a feast or fast

Ah, the memory so neatly tied so tidy

Ever in my brain

Balm for every pain

O Francis


Let loose your chances

let’s have wild dances

Out there in the rain

Yes I am again

I am again

For I have nothing more to gain

Tender is the moonlight dappling the morning

As it fades to sunlight

I look at stars which twinly are more bright

O my chief delight


O Francis

let loose your chances

Lets have wild dances

Lift another cup

For there is no faith but up


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The Harried Deadly Calm

 

 

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The smell of cheap tobacco had become my home. The cigarette dropped listlessly into the green glass ashtray. Uncanny how that thin finger could imbue dead leaves with such ennui.

Thunder erupted from beyond the kitchen door. Outside a large window, the swaying of limbs in summer air was barely perceptible as silhouette. Their shrouded prophecy of rain a stark contrast to the electric yellow of our lamp.

Thumbing the side of a ginny tumbler I thought of shutting the door. The pitter of drops had made a timpani of the glass. Yet there was something so refreshing about the damp expectation of storm that had sauntered through the darkened doorframe.

That and the black long haired cat that had made a bed of my wingtips kept me at my post. I pulled another Pall Mall from it’s green and white casket. Having lit it… I looked at her.

Her eyes rose from the sketchpad to meet mine. We were wordless.

Lightning struck, allowing me a glimpse of the yard beyond the door, and a brighter version of those blue orbs.

“Don’t do that.”

I searched my mind as to what she could mean.

“Do what?”

Her pen rose, directed at me, like a pistol.

“That!” A loud whisper shot into my mind.

I tilted my head and exhaled. My eyes remaining affixed to hers.

“That evil thing.”

“Look at a dork?”

She shook her head. “No, that bad…magic.”

I still wasn’t sure what she meant. Though it didn’t matter. An allegro wind had walked its way on breezy legs and placed a leaf on her shoulder.

I liked the delicate way her neck met that shoulder. That discarded bit of tree was the finest jewel she could have ornamented.

“Let’s go…”

The thunder had strengthened the rain.

“Out there…?”

Her answer was to rise and exit.

I sat for a brief spell with a blank mind. My shifting foot gently removed the furry leg warmer and I followed.

The rain was cool. I felt it hit my face and tasted it on my tongue.

The night sang in strange notes of ancient expectation. Mystic music carried by the odd punctuation of a beatless thunder that nonetheless spoke rhythm.

We began to dance. Whether her or I…I do not know.

We danced with abandon in worry-free ecstasy as skyborne cataclysm embraced our daring.

Everything held the freshness of a peach. Her face had become alabaster as a Grecian statue.

She spun and landed in my arms.

For the first time since I’d summoned her from my past, we kissed.

All that had led to this, that had led to our existence, to our presence here in the meter of some divinely witless symphony, blessing the union of clumsy lips with kisses of its own.

As we stood forever in the harried deadly calm.


P.S. Don’t actually dance in a thunderstorm. It’s dumb.

Crowded Souls

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The feeling was headlong. It was like a vertical river rushing madly into some subterranean sea. That’s how I felt about the distance between her and I.

It felt stupid. It was like I wanted to meld into the girl. The stupid stupid girl with the wheat colored hair.

She of course could have been any girl or any friend or any of the dead that are the subject of longing.

But in that moment. In the cool breeze of evening with the amber autumn playing round me I was completely staggered.

The crunching of the leaves beneath my feet would never happen again. The old style clock on the corner of the sidewalk would turn just that way but this once. And then heaven or hell or who cares whatever finality there is still the now, noW, NOW.

I watched the faces of the fools, beauties, monsters, and saints behind their various windshields. Ensconced in mobile armor they regarded me in turn with the curiosity that a pedestrian comes to expect from the chronically commuting.

Such a perfect evening and my head so full of lovely things to say. Yet tonight I couldn’t see her. Couldn’t find her. Then when another evening comes I won’t have these things to say. I’ll be different. It’s always so.

Some Saxon shot me a condescending look as I rounded one of the churches littering the streets like discarded alien gloves pointing to a rose hued sky. I paused abruptly. And just looked with a blank expression at the driver. It was a favorite trick.

The cocky grin turned to confusion and I felt the silver SUV zip past. Cheap thrills for him and I.

Was he smirking because he knew that I’d return to a well appointed home but be unable to enjoy a single thing? All my books, and instruments, all my notes and papers would be of no avail to stop the sucking pain of being away from her for THIS one evening.

My victory now seeming hollow I increased my walking rate. But not so as to seem to feel too hurried. The phone in my pocket might ring. But if it did and it was her. Who cares? I don’t want to see the one person I want to see.

Doesn’t she understand that we will never happen again? Don’t any of these people understand that? Immortal souls or not. These souls. The souls of NOW will never happen again, and we just let our petals fall; till wilted in the end of some future evening, we go to ground, wondering where all the scattered parts now lie!

We crowded souls longing to fall into one another but ever slipping past like wet elusive drops of ocean.