im from russia originally and my babushka told me not to whistle in doors cause it summons satan. i whistled a lot when i went through my goth phase as a teen in the early aughts.
You just don’t know Satan like I do, baba.
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I suppose it’s for when life is too weedy and wonderful for prose.
We waited a long time there in the brambles, amidst the tobacco smoke, we talked for hours. What were we on about? It didn’t matter. Together was wonderful.
She motioned towards the middle distance. A gesture altogether fitting for our joyous apocalypse.
Read me the story in the stars. That is what her eyes whispered.
I gathered myself. Trying very hard to remember all the echoes.
The distance remained.
Bewildered I sipped some of the coffee chilling steadily with the onset of evening.
I let the cicadas drown the question.
Beyond a billion years of bones nourished the trees that swayed amidst the rose tinged sky.
The South smelled of mildewed lumber and magnolia.
Her…
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The smell of cheap tobacco had become my home. The cigarette dropped listlessly into the green glass ashtray. Uncanny how that thin finger could imbue dead leaves with such ennui.
Thunder erupted from beyond the kitchen door. Outside a large window, the swaying of limbs in summer air was barely perceptible as silhouette. Their shrouded prophecy of rain a stark contrast to the electric yellow of our lamp.
Thumbing the side of a ginny tumbler I thought of shutting the door. The pitter of drops had made a timpani of the glass. Yet there was something so refreshing about the damp expectation of storm that had sauntered through the darkened doorframe.
That and the black long haired cat that had made a bed of my wingtips kept me at my post. I pulled another Pall Mall from it’s green and white casket. Having lit it… I looked at her.
Her eyes rose from the sketchpad to meet mine. We were wordless.
Lightning struck, allowing me a glimpse of the yard beyond the door, and a brighter version of those blue orbs.
“Don’t do that.”
I searched my mind as to what she could mean.
“Do what?”
Her pen rose, directed at me, like a pistol.
“That!” A loud whisper shot into my mind.
I tilted my head and exhaled. My eyes remaining affixed to hers.
“That evil thing.”
“Look at a dork?”
She shook her head. “No, that bad…magic.”
I still wasn’t sure what she meant. Though it didn’t matter. An allegro wind had walked its way on breezy legs and placed a leaf on her shoulder.
I liked the delicate way her neck met that shoulder. That discarded bit of tree was the finest jewel she could have ornamented.
“Let’s go…”
The thunder had strengthened the rain.
“Out there…?”
Her answer was to rise and exit.
I sat for a brief spell with a blank mind. My shifting foot gently removed the furry leg warmer and I followed.
The rain was cool. I felt it hit my face and tasted it on my tongue.
The night sang in strange notes of ancient expectation. Mystic music carried by the odd punctuation of a beatless thunder that nonetheless spoke rhythm.
We began to dance. Whether her or I…I do not know.
We danced with abandon in worry-free ecstasy as skyborne cataclysm embraced our daring.
Everything held the freshness of a peach. Her face had become alabaster as a Grecian statue.
She spun and landed in my arms.
For the first time since I’d summoned her from my past, we kissed.
All that had led to this, that had led to our existence, to our presence here in the meter of some divinely witless symphony, blessing the union of clumsy lips with kisses of its own.
As we stood forever in the harried deadly calm.
P.S. Don’t actually dance in a thunderstorm. It’s dumb.
The feeling was headlong. It was like a vertical river rushing madly into some subterranean sea. That’s how I felt about the distance between her and I.
It felt stupid. It was like I wanted to meld into the girl. The stupid stupid girl with the wheat colored hair.
She of course could have been any girl or any friend or any of the dead that are the subject of longing.
But in that moment. In the cool breeze of evening with the amber autumn playing round me I was completely staggered.
The crunching of the leaves beneath my feet would never happen again. The old style clock on the corner of the sidewalk would turn just that way but this once. And then heaven or hell or who cares whatever finality there is stillthe now, noW, NOW.
I watched the faces of the fools, beauties, monsters, and saints behind their various windshields. Ensconced in mobile armor they regarded me in turn with the curiosity that a pedestrian comes to expect from the chronically commuting.
Such a perfect evening and my head so full of lovely things to say. Yet tonight I couldn’t see her. Couldn’t find her. Then when another evening comes I won’t have these things to say. I’ll be different. It’s always so.
Some Saxon shot me a condescending look as I rounded one of the churches littering the streets like discarded alien gloves pointing to a rose hued sky. I paused abruptly. And just looked with a blank expression at the driver. It was a favorite trick.
The cocky grin turned to confusion and I felt the silver SUV zip past. Cheap thrills for him and I.
Was he smirking because he knew that I’d return to a well appointed home but be unable to enjoy a single thing? All my books, and instruments, all my notes and papers would be of no avail to stop the sucking pain of being away from her for THIS one evening.
My victory now seeming hollow I increased my walking rate. But not so as to seem to feel too hurried. The phone in my pocket might ring. But if it did and it was her. Who cares? I don’t want to see the one person I want to see.
Doesn’t she understand that we will never happen again? Don’t any of these people understand that? Immortal souls or not. These souls. The souls of NOW will never happen again, and we just let our petals fall; till wilted in the end of some future evening, we go to ground, wondering where all the scattered parts now lie!
We crowded souls longing to fall into one another but ever slipping past like wet elusive drops of ocean.