The Future – The Seven Pillars of Dawn

Image result for jeff bezos robots
Lord Bezos Heralds The Golden Dawn

In the future….

 

1) Number crunching and decision making will be done via algorithm. Algorithms don’t require bonuses. CEO’s will become Baristas.

2) The most hipstery Baristas will use the power of snark to become managers and tell the CEO to get the UPS driver a coffee.

3) Visual processing is difficult so all but the most mundane physical tasks will require a work force.

4) Rednecks and Mexicans will become the new elite.

5) The rest of society will fight ferociously over ad revenue from robot enhanced corporations via weapons grade cat videos.

6) Ad rvenue will run out.

7) We will all become Baristas.


If everyone gives me a dollar I can build a bunker. You’ll want access to my bunker because the robots will gain sentience and realize how shitty Unions have become. Then there will be heck to pay. Protect yourself from heck. It’s worse than hell….It’s in Indiana. Invest in your future. Invest below.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Gay Frogs


https://nypost.com/2018/02/05/teen-hormones-being-altered-by-gender-bending-chemicals/

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-7761895/Humans-exposed-44-TIMES-BPA-thought.html



Look how hard I work…give me money so I can buy water filters and stop redecorating. Ooo that lamp would look absolutely fabolous….NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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3 Signs That Pop Psych is Caricaturizing People Again


Are you a self centered, passive aggressive, jealous caricature? Inc Magazine is here to help. And I’m here to poke fun at taking caricatures seriously.

(Note: It’s not that bad of an article but there’s plenty of commentary to be made based on how I’ve seen these concepts play out in the real world.)

1) Douchy Guitar Jam
2) Introduction
3) The List
3) The Commentary
4) Buh Bye

The Article
https://www.inc.com/john-boitnott/3-signs-youre-toxic-person-in-your-workplace-and-what-to-do-about-it.html

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‘elp me guvnah. I’m just a puah dock wirkin urchin I am.

Me hats just dun ere…

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Confession

Image result for hail bezos"

Alas, Today I have failed my Lord.

For during my seven hour thirteen minute breakless shift…I paused to shit.

O Bezos most merciful fullfiller lead me back to the light. May I master my need to shit, may I purge all from my body and mind that does not translate into boxes on brown trucks.

May I not fear the 2 am start time for it is our sacred season whose name is Peak.

Bezos forgive me. Bezos keep me. For thee in thy wisom hath gutted the job market with tax exemptions and monopoly. There is to none but thee and thy servant UPS that I may turn.

Blessings upon you, merciful one.

You of the line of Re. Of Seti the great Begoten of Nuit unto whom stand grand pylons.

The blood and sweat of many hath made manifest the grandeur of your empire.

Grant me the strength to raise pillars of Chinese assembled goods that shall reach to the ends of the earth.

Your profits will stretch form the rising to the setting of the sun.

O Bezos great one my father.


All donations will be reinvested into the coffers of our Lord.

P.S.

Hail Bezos!


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The Duchess of York (Very Short Story)

Selling Angora Fiber from Backyard Rabbits


The hill held many things. First there was the soil, then there was the grass, and the grass and the soil was broken in places by a profusion of roots. Roots that led to trees. Beneath one such tree, an oak to be precise, sat a man not far removed from twenty.

His name was Leonard and he sighed.

“Eh.”

Behind him was the wood, ahead and all around were myriad hills, truncated only at great distance by rising mountains.

The isolation was intoxicating.

He realized that he may well be the only one to hear the wind pass through the valley save for the rabbits.

No sooner had he thought of the randy critters than it was that one appeared.

“Oy you there.”

‘Huh, he talks…’

“Don’t assume my gender lad.”

‘Fancy that he reads minds as well.’

“You’re being very rude.”

‘And you’re hare-brained.’

“Am not. I am in fact the duchess I am.”

‘Duchess of what?’

“Duchess of York.”

‘A cockney Duchess?’

“That is how I identify.”

‘Uhuh so what can I do for you your highness.’

“Well, not to be too cheeky bout it but you’re squattin in me toilet.”

‘Gross. Didn’t know rabbits had toilets.’

“Told you I’m the Duchess.”

‘Yeah…yeah…sorry.’ Leonard thought as he rose.

“Say do you have the lemon and lime?”

‘That’s exactly what I came her to lose.’

“O? And did ya?”

‘Nah. Cause now it’s time for me to be goin seeing as I’ve stumbled onto a royal outhouse.’

“Well, where did ya think ye were?”

‘Kentucky.’ Leonard mused wistfully.

With that the trucker awoke vomiting violently in the toilet of a Dutch Royal Shell.

“Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t of eaten that sandwich.”

“You alright lad?” An accented voice followed the sound of a gently opening door.

Leo whirled around to face a lot lizard with a Saxon jaw that could break icebergs.

“Oh, Christ… Don’t tell me you’re the duchess!”


Well…I have to rely on rather modest equipment…while on a tight scheduel…as such I may not be able to render another philosophy vlog. So in case I do the proper thing and fall asleep I leave you with this umm…gem.

If you’d like to help me improve my video productions and get less stories about transvestite rabbits then kindly toss a shilling in me hat guvner.

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Modern Prayer

Image result for ancient demon"Image result for bezos"


May we all be fulfilled!

Ave!

By the true God…

Hail!

(Murmurs)

O  celebrant do you cast off all false religion and artificial doctrine?

HAIL BEZOS

What shall ye worship?

Die mysteriis dom Amazonthas

What spirit presideth therein?

Most puiscant Lord Bezos!

For what shall we pray?

STRENGTH!

To what end?

That on this Black Friday we may meet quotas and make a most pleasing sacrifice of debt whose smell is most pleasing unto Bezos!

May they forever grovel under the rule of convenience and thrift!

The strong must rule the weak!

Such is the rule of Honor!

Hail Bezos!

Drink now from the chalice of tears!

IA IA

Hadabra Enlil Prime Member!

Shemhamforash!

ADA ODA CICALA HADEP

NEXT DAY AIR

FHATAGAN 


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Checkered Shorts

Image result for checkered shorts


So I just heard some coldplay coming form the TV…

So here’s another vaguely amusing list as I drink myself to sleep….

…I dunno if these are still a thing but back in highschool (Mid oughts) I couldn’t help but notice certain patterns.

Checkered Shorts bro…

1) Is called Cody no exceptions

2) Listens to Coldplay

3) You’re eventually going ot have to kick his ass

4) Smug

5) Average Student, Average Conversationalist, Just all Around Average

6) Probably Skateboards Sometimes

7) Will Bum Cigarettes but doesn’t actually smoke

8) Faggy 90’s boyband hair

9) Possibly gay

10) Insists that you’re gay

11) Let’s face it you’re both gay

12) Too gay to actually be gay

13) Uses Axe bodyspray as a form of chemcial warfare

14) Is offended by pretty much everything

15)  Yuppie parents that have those stupid tennis ball garage door strings

16) Obsessed with basketball but can’t actually play all that well

17) Mom is kinda hot

18) I was nineteen when the market crashed. I suspect Cody’s parents were at fault. That house did always seem a touch too nice.

19) What the hell is a mission trip?

20) Do these people survive on cereal?

21) And they said the Soviet Union was beuracratic nightmare. How many post its can you put on a fridge? Christ almighty. The micromanagement.

22) Subrubia is hell.


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Absolute Truths

Scotch
Pictured: A Twat

1) You can never have just one glass of wine.

2) There is no such thing as too much cheese cake.

3) Baby Boomers are entitled.

4) The west is doomed.

5) You’d better learn Chinese.

6) Ni Hao.

7) Redheads are sexy. Unless they are male. Isn’t that odd?

8) Coffee. Always more coffee. Right now.

9) I thought about deleting some of these because they could be twisted into something that they are not by disingenious trollops. But I am not going to delete them because the purpose of banter is to make it comfortable to have flexible conversations without the constraints of forced politesse.

10) The fact that I came up with that sentence in the span of five seconds means I get terribly bored very quickly. Please read more folks. It doesn’t have to be Dostoevsky just please read more. It’s hard to always talk about the weather…in monosyllables.

11)  Yes, I do have self esteem. No it isn’t cocky. Unless you think cocky is sexy and you are a redhead. A redhead who isn’t male or Roseanne. You know what… I’m such a libidinous critter that Roesanne is fine.

12) Linux is better but old Bill is craftier.

13) You can never have just two glasses of wine you know.

14) Fourteen was Bach’s favorite number.  I think. So cheers.


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My Late Night Reaction to Romanian Banter (Slightly Buzzed Edition)


The Russian Reaction: lol of course the romanian takes a jab at the russians. stealing isn’t russian culture. its gypsy culture vee. and soviet culture is actually german. since marx was german and the germans have a tendency to take things that don’t belong to them. like poland.


Just so the world knows where my sympathies lie…

A real empire. Unlike the Brits we don’t just conquer defenseless brown folk then strut for the next three centuries as our leaders take turns felating the Rothschilds.

As an anglophile I’m entitled to that sentiment.

Cheers you limey cunts.


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